Wisdom For Today - January

[bluidkiti]

January 20

Wisdom for Today
When I was drinking and using drugs, I spent time telling stories about myself. I always was attempting to build myself up as “Mr. Wonderful.” I hung out with people who were in worse shape than I was so that I could feel I was better than others. But the reality of my life was that I was not better. In fact, these lies about myself were told because I knew deep down I had not amounted to anything. Many of these lies I told so often that I even started to believe them myself. In my denial I became more and more defensive. I could not admit to myself or anyone else that I actually felt like I was inferior to others.
In early recovery, I continued to have this inferiority complex. I would sit in meetings and plan out what I was going to say when it was my turn to speak. I wanted to sound like I knew what I was doing. This defect in my character was actually getting in the way of my recovery. It fed my dishonesty, and it built a wall between my Higher Power and myself. It was keeping me from benefiting from the program. It is hard to swallow our pride and admit that we don’t know what we are doing. It is hard to get honest and admit it is all a show. Yet God will reveal this defect again and again until we become ready to genuinely ask for help. Am I still hiding my true self from others?
Meditations for the Heart
God thinks about me all the time. If He were ever to stop thinking about me, I would cease to exist. In recovery I need to train myself to think about God and what His will for me is in all that I do. I know that there is no way that I will ever be able to keep God in my thoughts all the time, but fortunately God will not cease to exist if I stop thinking about Him. He is constant and unchanging. Yet if I am to grow, I need to practice this conscious contact with my Higher Power. Each time I focus on the spiritual aspects of my recovery, I grow. This is now my job description – to focus on the spiritual aspects of my recovery. This is what will bring meaning to my life and who I am. Am I growing in spiritual stature?
Petitions to my Higher Power
God,
You more than anyone know the true me. You know the very workings of my heart. This day help me to be true to myself and true to You. I am convinced that in order to have true meaning in my life, I must continue to focus on You and what it is that You want for me.
Amen.