[bluidkiti]

April 4

Quote of the Week

"My recovery changed when I forever gave up the hope of having a different past."

I have spent a lot of time thinking about my past—alternately feeling sorry for myself or being outraged by the wrongs—real or imagined—that were done to me. A constant theme in my thinking is how much different, better, and happier I would be if only I hadn’t had these parents, or these stepparents, or these siblings, and so on. My angst over my past fed resentments that fueled my alcoholism, and that nearly ruined my future.

But it will never be different. My past will always be my past, and, good or bad, it is uniquely mine. When I got to the program I was taught that in recovery we stop fighting everybody and everything; in other words, we surrender. At first I saw surrender as a sign of weakness, but soon I found it to be the path to freedom. By releasing myself from the pain of my past, I could see it in a new light, and the miracle of my recovery had begun.

By working the program, I am able to make peace with my past, to look at my part, and see the lessons and gifts it has to offer. And what I find is that no matter how painful or unjust my past was, with time I could see how valuable my experiences are, and how I can use them to help another. A therapist once told me, “Our deepest wounds, integrated, become our greatest power.” Once I have healed my past, I begin to see how it can help heal someone else’s.